You left me alone in this world.
With no hope for my broken soul.
I have risen above that, I have found strength through pain.
I was hurled into this world without a clue.
But I know who I am once again.
Someday you will see past the curtain that blinds you.
Someday you will be released from the chains that have bound you.
Someday you will know me again, you will see that I am still as much apart of you as you are of me.
As you turn your view from me
And walk away from your faults and fears.
I will continue to call your name
In hopes that someday you will gather up the reins of the past and lead us into the future.
Someday you will see past the curtain that blinds you.
Someday you will be released from the chains that have bound you.
Someday you will know me again, you will see that I am still as much apart of you as you are of me.
You can't hide who you are from me.
I won't give up hope.
I won't let you fail me.
Someday you will see past the curtain that blinds you.
Someday you will be released from the chains that have bound you.
Someday you will know me again, you will see that I am still as much apart of you as you are of me.
Someday we will be whole again...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Get Away
This month has been a long one. The kids have been on Spring Break for a month. It has been the longest month of my life. It doesn't help that the oldest is at the age where everything is a question and yet no answer given is correct. I have gotten so tired of hearing "Mom! What does...?" or "Mom! Why does...?", so annoying. The younger two have been trying to say out of trouble but the two of them together is trouble, so they haven't been doing a very good job. The boy is getting more violent the more time he is forced to hang out with his sisters. I can not wait for it to go back to he and I.
I have been feeling more and more like slipping away. Just leaving everyone behind for a few days. I need to recharge my battery. Be an adult and not just a Mom. If I knew having kids was this darn hard I would have never signed up for this. They are all cute when they are ity bity but as soon as they get out of that cute baby stage they slowly begin to mess with you life and you head. Ahhh kids. I want to run away. I wish I could kidnap Chuck and we could both run away. Leave the blood suckers to fend for themselves. I know I can't ever do that, but FUCK I sure do wish I could.
I think I might try and stay with my Dad this weekend. All my friends live to far away or are busy with there kid free lives. Maybe I can just be Liz again. Because that's all I really want. I want an identity that doesn't involve being a mom or a wife. Although I am both of those, don't get me wrong. But sometimes it would be nice to be me. I just want a life.
I have been feeling more and more like slipping away. Just leaving everyone behind for a few days. I need to recharge my battery. Be an adult and not just a Mom. If I knew having kids was this darn hard I would have never signed up for this. They are all cute when they are ity bity but as soon as they get out of that cute baby stage they slowly begin to mess with you life and you head. Ahhh kids. I want to run away. I wish I could kidnap Chuck and we could both run away. Leave the blood suckers to fend for themselves. I know I can't ever do that, but FUCK I sure do wish I could.
I think I might try and stay with my Dad this weekend. All my friends live to far away or are busy with there kid free lives. Maybe I can just be Liz again. Because that's all I really want. I want an identity that doesn't involve being a mom or a wife. Although I am both of those, don't get me wrong. But sometimes it would be nice to be me. I just want a life.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Good-bye to a Hooker
A very close family friend passed away. A brother to The Husband. It seems so weird. Like it didn't happen. It still hasn't completely sunk in that we won't be seeing him again. We won't drink another beer with him, we won't have another cook out with him, we won't ever talk to him again.
When my grandmother passed it was easier, as easy as death can be on a person, she was older and had been suffering. She had pretty much given up her will to live and was asking God to bring her home. He was only in his thirty's. Full of life, wanting nothing more than to run his business, love his wife and live life to the fullest. I know there were issues and complications that his body just wasn't able to over come. But it still doesn't seem fair. He had so much going for him, so many blessings from God. All to be taken away. I know he is at peace now, no longer in pain. But man is he going to be missed. He affected our lives so much, so I know he must have been a major factor in a billion other lives. He was an amazing guy. He never gave up or gave in. He always had a dream and was always trying to reach it. He had a head on his shoulders. And although he tried to act tough he was a big old softy when he was around his family and friends. He had fine taste in classic cars, if I do say so myself. And he sure knew how to pick an amazing wife. When he was lacking strength she had it. They were made for each other. I remember all the drunken car rides home when he and The Husband would get hammered. I remember shooting the shit with him. And the pool party and the birthday parties.
I have learned so much from him and his wife. I have learned never to let anyone or anything get you down. He showed me no matter how shitty the situation there was always a GOLD lining. And to always keep dreaming. She showed me how to really be a wife. How to be amazingly strong when you just want to give up. And how to handle yourself when your insides are breaking. I am so grateful to have gotten to know and love him because without him I wouldn't have been able to know and love his amazing wife.
RIP my friend. Without you San Diego would have been another Nashville. You saved us from ourselves and introduced us to San Diego(and pretty much everyone in it). Xoxoxo, we will never forget you and always love you...See you in heaven buddy.
When my grandmother passed it was easier, as easy as death can be on a person, she was older and had been suffering. She had pretty much given up her will to live and was asking God to bring her home. He was only in his thirty's. Full of life, wanting nothing more than to run his business, love his wife and live life to the fullest. I know there were issues and complications that his body just wasn't able to over come. But it still doesn't seem fair. He had so much going for him, so many blessings from God. All to be taken away. I know he is at peace now, no longer in pain. But man is he going to be missed. He affected our lives so much, so I know he must have been a major factor in a billion other lives. He was an amazing guy. He never gave up or gave in. He always had a dream and was always trying to reach it. He had a head on his shoulders. And although he tried to act tough he was a big old softy when he was around his family and friends. He had fine taste in classic cars, if I do say so myself. And he sure knew how to pick an amazing wife. When he was lacking strength she had it. They were made for each other. I remember all the drunken car rides home when he and The Husband would get hammered. I remember shooting the shit with him. And the pool party and the birthday parties.
I have learned so much from him and his wife. I have learned never to let anyone or anything get you down. He showed me no matter how shitty the situation there was always a GOLD lining. And to always keep dreaming. She showed me how to really be a wife. How to be amazingly strong when you just want to give up. And how to handle yourself when your insides are breaking. I am so grateful to have gotten to know and love him because without him I wouldn't have been able to know and love his amazing wife.
RIP my friend. Without you San Diego would have been another Nashville. You saved us from ourselves and introduced us to San Diego(and pretty much everyone in it). Xoxoxo, we will never forget you and always love you...See you in heaven buddy.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Onto Year Six
Our five year anniversary has come and pass and now we are moving on to year six. It was an amazing day filled with good times, good food, and lots of love. I really enjoyed myself and the husband was AMAZING!
I look forward to year six and the new and exciting things we are going to encounter. I will be graduating school and hopefully getting a job. The oldest will be starting middle school, the middle will be starting kindergarten and the youngest will be starting preschool. The husband will hopefully be playing music with a few other guys. I have hopes that year six won't be so bumpy. That the road will smooth out. We have gotten rid of all the losers in our lives that drag us down. And our communication skills have really gotten better. The husband is working at a very busy shop now so hopefully that will increase our money and decrease our stress over bills. Yup year six is already looking up.
I feel so blessed to get to share my life with a man who I have so much in common with. I am so glad he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Sometimes I swear he understands me better than I understand myself and vice versa. Life can always get better but with the husband by my side it can never get worse. Thank you Lord for blessing me with a wonderful husband and three beautiful kids. I couldn't have hope for anything better!
I look forward to year six and the new and exciting things we are going to encounter. I will be graduating school and hopefully getting a job. The oldest will be starting middle school, the middle will be starting kindergarten and the youngest will be starting preschool. The husband will hopefully be playing music with a few other guys. I have hopes that year six won't be so bumpy. That the road will smooth out. We have gotten rid of all the losers in our lives that drag us down. And our communication skills have really gotten better. The husband is working at a very busy shop now so hopefully that will increase our money and decrease our stress over bills. Yup year six is already looking up.
I feel so blessed to get to share my life with a man who I have so much in common with. I am so glad he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Sometimes I swear he understands me better than I understand myself and vice versa. Life can always get better but with the husband by my side it can never get worse. Thank you Lord for blessing me with a wonderful husband and three beautiful kids. I couldn't have hope for anything better!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Once upon a time...
A girl found a boy on myspace and sent him a friend request and a simple message. That simple message blossomed into a beautiful friendship and then a long loving relationship. Five years ago tomorrow the husband and I got married.
Our relationship has had a bumpy road to say the least. We had a crazy baby killing ex wife trying to drive us apart every week. A crazy judgmental ex-girlfriend trying to drive us a part at the beginning. And, at the beginning, a non supportive family on both sides. Life was chaotic and we never had a lot of money. But we made it. We almost didn't make it a few times. I thought for sure this is the end. But our love of one another shown bright even threw the darkest parts. People started to realize that we were going to make. Then we packed up and moved across the country and a whole new set of problems arose. But we made it threw those, by the skin of our teeth!
Five glorious and not so glorious years of marriage have thought me a few lessons about myself and about my other half. The most valuable lesson I learned was learning to compromise. Its still hard but it has to be done. He doesn't always want what I want and I don't always want what he wants. I also learned that he is my best friend. And no matter how many crazy bitches come into my life he is always the one left standing. I also learned that age doesn't matter. I learned that one persons life is never better than the others, just different. I have learned patience, but I don't know how much that is from the husband or the kids. I also learned how to love someone more than I have ever loved anyone before. I learned that you have to be open and honest at all times with your spouse, that they are here to help not hinder. He also thought me how to shine my boots and how to do a correct sit up. He gives me strength when I have none and hope when I feel empty. He loves me despite my many flaws and would give me the world if he could.
I know not everyone believes in soul mates but I do believe I have found mine. He the yin to my yang, the cheech to my chong. The peanut butter to my jelly. He completes me. So this one goes out to you, my husband, thank you for the wonderful life you have blessed me with. Even though I dislike it a lot of the time, I still love you with all my heart every day. Here's to five years down and many more to go! I love you sugartits!
Our relationship has had a bumpy road to say the least. We had a crazy baby killing ex wife trying to drive us apart every week. A crazy judgmental ex-girlfriend trying to drive us a part at the beginning. And, at the beginning, a non supportive family on both sides. Life was chaotic and we never had a lot of money. But we made it. We almost didn't make it a few times. I thought for sure this is the end. But our love of one another shown bright even threw the darkest parts. People started to realize that we were going to make. Then we packed up and moved across the country and a whole new set of problems arose. But we made it threw those, by the skin of our teeth!
Five glorious and not so glorious years of marriage have thought me a few lessons about myself and about my other half. The most valuable lesson I learned was learning to compromise. Its still hard but it has to be done. He doesn't always want what I want and I don't always want what he wants. I also learned that he is my best friend. And no matter how many crazy bitches come into my life he is always the one left standing. I also learned that age doesn't matter. I learned that one persons life is never better than the others, just different. I have learned patience, but I don't know how much that is from the husband or the kids. I also learned how to love someone more than I have ever loved anyone before. I learned that you have to be open and honest at all times with your spouse, that they are here to help not hinder. He also thought me how to shine my boots and how to do a correct sit up. He gives me strength when I have none and hope when I feel empty. He loves me despite my many flaws and would give me the world if he could.
I know not everyone believes in soul mates but I do believe I have found mine. He the yin to my yang, the cheech to my chong. The peanut butter to my jelly. He completes me. So this one goes out to you, my husband, thank you for the wonderful life you have blessed me with. Even though I dislike it a lot of the time, I still love you with all my heart every day. Here's to five years down and many more to go! I love you sugartits!
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