I'm tired and I'm busted. I don't remember the last time I was truly happy or a time when I didn't have that ping of resentment in my heart. I can truly never be happy. I am saddled to a man who is even harder headed than I am. Who's so focused on his own stuff that he can't seem to think about anyone else. I spend my days taking care of a family I don't even feel connected to. I clean, cook, entertain, make sure everyone's needs are meet and everyone one has what they need to be happy. But NO ONE does anything to make sure my needs are meet to make sure I have everything I need to be happy. No, I just get talked down to. Told how certain people have to do things a certain way or I become a horrible monster to be around. Told that I can never see the error in my ways. Maybe it's you who turns into a monster if things don't go your way and maybe it's you who is unable to see the error in his way but are to busy pointing out everyone else's faults and problems. If I could run away I would. If I could just get in the car and drive away from this I would. But I can't. These damn kids. My life will forever be torture because of the stupid stupid choices I have made and now have to live with permanently. Some one please come and but a bullet in my brain because I really can't do this anymore.
I hate myself so much. I use to be such an optimistic person, but six years spent with a man that drags me down has changed that. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel has been black for sooooooooooooo long. There is no hope for me. He is never going to change and I am never going to be the woman he seems to want me to be. I don't even know who I am anymore. Nothing matters anymore. The simple joys I had, like reading a good book, have been stomped out. I no longer enjoy music. I don't even watch my beloved Munsters. I know that I am the only person to blame for the situation I have gotten myself in but, FUCK it sucks. Seriously someone please come and end me... because these times they are a changin' and it isn't going to be pleasant.
